Reaching Out
by clouisewise
Summary: C/O, work in progress.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Ohhh, how different things would be if I owned them... ;D

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As I finally reach my car door, after slipping in my gaudy high heels and almost breaking my knees on more than on occasion, I suddenly realize that I left the keys in my desk, all the way back on the 12th floor of the looming DA's office. Unsure if my cheeks are wet from my frustrated tears or from the rain beginning to fall, I hail a taxi and quickly get in, instructing the young cabby to drive. Just drive. When I start to feel my damp and freezing fingers and toes again (about 20 minutes later... and more fare than I care to admit running on the meter), I know I can't go home. I can't face another night alone, in my dark apartment, crying and drinking... and drinking... and drinking. I decide it's about time I pick a place to go. I have no "friends" in this city, no family within an hour in direction. Pulling out my cell phone (and shaking the water off of it), I open my contacts. Scrolling, I look for some familiar names.

Cragen? He isn't my biggest fan in general, especially after the case I pretty much just drowned in.

Donnelly is my boss and there is absolutely no way in hell I'm going near her until I have to.

Elliot has kids, a family.

Fin is... Fin.

Huang lives way outside the city.

Munch is... well Munch is along the same lines as Fin.

That just leaves... _shit_. My breath hitches as I give the cabby the address.

So here I am, standing outside your apartment staring down your door. My hair and clothes are soaked from the rain outside and I can feel the heat radiating from inside your apartment; it feels nice. As I take a deep breath, I raise my hand to knock- once, twice, three times; quick and lightly... god, I hope you heard them.

And now I'm waiting... waiting...

Maybe I should just go-

"Hello?" - your voice sounds husky, exhausted.

My heart jumps at the sound through the door, throwing me from my thoughts. I struggle to find my words.

"Uh, h-hi, Olivia. It's Casey."

Locks unlatching, the handle turning, my heart jumps all the way up into my throat. The door slowly creeps open, and is replaced by the taut, athletic form of Olivia Benson, clad in shorts and a tank top, her hair tossed and her chocolate-brown eyes tired and worried.

"Casey? What's going on?"

You can tell by the look on her face she is reaching back into her memory for something she may have forgotten to do- a paper she forgotten to fill out, a right she may have forgotten to say.

Glancing up from my feet, I look at her with sad eyes.

"Do you mind if I come in? I... I could use a talk."

She smiles shyly and rustles her hair, then reaches out to touch my shoulder, which she obviously couldn't tell was soaked due to the almost nonexistent lighting in this hallway.

"Shit, Casey, you're _freezing_. Hurry, get in here."

She grabs my hand, causing my breath to hitch and my heart to skip a beat; I don't even have time to say thank you before she's pushing me into her bathroom and setting me down on the toilet.

"Olivia, I'm fi-"

"Shh, just **let** me," she chuckles, "It's been a while since I've had any type of visitor." She lingers on the thought a moment, "Uh, but we can talk after you get warmed up."

I smile to myself, silently thanking her for just letting me in the door. Olivia and I are hardly friends, we are barely friendly workmates, and for her to just let me in during this... this breakdown. Just another in a line of many; but during this breakdown I have finally made a break_through_- I finally reached out for help. Thank god, because I need it.

But why Olivia? All I can say is that she is the most caring, self-given woman I have ever met, not to mention the most desirable, driven-

As I look up, my thoughts cease- I find the detective half-bent over the side of the bathtub, adjusting the temperature of the water, her tank top revealing more than I'm sure she as noticed... The steam floods the room and I can finally feel it warming up the very tips of my fingers and toes, but the view I'm getting is warming me up from the inside out.

Smiling to myself, I lean my head back against the cool wall. How in the world did these... these _feelings_ for Olivia come up? Not so much emotional at this point as... physical. Longings, thoughts I never thought I'd have for another woman. But now I'm having them, and I'm not sure what to do with them... But I **am** glad I am here right now. Even if this is the last place on Earth I thought I'd end up tonight. The past few weeks, my routine has been pretty... pathetic... after work, going home to drink or to the bar to drink, and maybe take home some unsuspecting young guy a little too eager and trying a little too hard. This is a nice change from the usual.

Again smiling, I speak out to the steam without opening my eyes.

"Thank you, Olivia."

When there is no response, I tilt my head up and open one eye to look around the small room- Olivia is gone, but in her place there is a towel, some sweatpants and a clean shirt sitting on the tile to the left of my feet. I stand up and peel my sticky,. wet clothes from my skin, letting them fall into a puddling pile on the ground, and slowly settle myself into the water...

* * *

"Fuck," I whisper, standing in my kitchen, drumming my fingertips on the countertop.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, **fuck**!"

Casey Novak. _Casey_ fucking _Novak_. A **naked** Casey fucking Novak is in **my** bathroom. Right now. Her expensive clothes slumped on **my** floor, her naked body sprawled out in **my** bathtub.

I have been trying so hard to avoid her lately. I just... the way that I have been feeling... I just can not be around her. I don't have any reason, I don't have any excuse, but I have been feeling... so... _strange_ around her lately. And I refuse to even think about falling for another coworker... So I've been trying to avoid her... but obviously it isn't working, considering she's here, right now, in my apartment; her milky, Irish skin, uncovered, in my apartment.

And here **I** am, in my kitchen, boiling water and breathing way too heavily, my heart beating way too fast. Turning from the counter to the cabinets behind me, I rummage around for tea leaves and hot chocolate mix. I find them both, conveniently placed in front of a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I grab all three- just in case. She said she needs to talk, and I know that, for me at least, a little whiskey only makes opening up a little easier sometimes. I put the 'refreshments' on the coffee table then plop down on the couch it sits right in front of. I pour myself a shot of the amber liquid, taking a deep breath before tipping the glass back and letting it take me over.

3 shots later, just as I am calming my heartbeat and mind, I hear the bathroom door open. I can not look away- Casey Novak walks out of my bathroom, the steam appropriately following her; the sweats I lent her are a little baggy and she's wearing them low, this shirt is just a tad too small... this leaves a perfect, milky section of her firm stomach revealed in the gap. She looks up from her feet, her green eyes piercing, her hair, finally beginning to return to it's strawberry blonde, framing her face perfectly.

"Thanks for the clothes, Olivia," she tugs at the waistband of my sweats, "but the sweats are a little big." She smiles, enticing a small smile out of me as well.

"Yeah, no problem."

We hold our positions awkwardly, mine above the coffee table and her's in the door way of the bathroom.

I look at the couch, barren and ready for us, then at her. She again smiles, she _again_ pierces me with her eyes... She begins walking over, and I take a little step to the side. As she scoots past me to get to the couch, her arm brushes mine- the contact feels like a brushfire, but I'm not sure if it's just from the hot bath or if it's all in my head. Probably the latter. Casey Novak, her midsection revealed and her beautiful lips turned upwards, pats the cushion besides her as she plops down.

I dutifully sit.

She reaches out for the Jack Daniel's, immediately bypassing the tea and hot chocolate, and takes a huge swig.

I gulp at how sexy she looks, her hand on the neck of the bottle and her lips pressed oh-so-carefully to the opening... This is going to be an interesting night.


	2. Chapter 2

My throat is on **fire**. You came here for a fucking reason, Casey, stop drinking and start talking... Giving in to myself, I set the now half-empty bottle down on the coffee table and glance over to you- your beautiful brown eyes are fixated on me, probably from the shock of how quickly I downed your Jack...

I clear my still burning throat as I lean back onto the couch, and the movement snaps you out of your stare. You smile and again rustle your hair.

"Ready to talk now?", you say with a chuckle. I smile shyly- _No_, I think to myself. But I still force myself to nod.

"I... well...", I can not force the words out of my throat.

Sighing, I look down at my thighs, covered in your tattered old Police Academy sweats. I rub my legs, then draw them up to my chest- I can feel your eyes drilling into the side of my head with their worry and concern, so I put it between my knees.

I groan.

"Olivia... I don't know what to do anymore... Or where to turn, or who to talk to, or... or..."

The couch cushions rise and fall- upon their falling I can feel your heat... you must be **right next to me**. I gulp. Loudly.

"Casey...", your voice sounds so sincere, "what's been going on lately?"

I feel your arm go around me... I didn't notice until the wet spots started to soak the knees of your sweats but I'm crying- bawling, really. My whole body is shaking. Fuck. Olivia is such a strong person, _this_ can not be boding well with her. I probably seem like a child.

"Liv... I just... Ever since-"

I stop when I hear a cellphone ringing deep within the apartment. I look up, my cheeks flushed and my eyes wet with tears, to see you cringing at every ring.

"Fuck, Casey. I _have_ to check that...", you rub my shoulder kindly, "Just give me like 2 minutes, ok?"

She softly kisses my wet cheek- it's so hot that her lips feel like ice. Upon the contact I could have sworn my heart stopped beating. When she pulls away I just smile at her, sniffle and wipe my face with the back of my hand.

"'Sok, Liv. I'm not going anywhere", I chuckle wryly and she looks at me apologetically.

"**2 minutes**, I promise."

Again, I just smile.

As she gets off the couch to go to the bedroom, where I'm assuming the distant ringing was coming from, I almost feel relieved; I know I came all the way here, at 3 in the morning, woke and worried you, but honestly? I don't know if I'm quite ready to talk about this. Who knows if I ever will be? Still, this is nice. She is wonderful, opening up her home and hospitality to me without virtually a moments' warning, or though. I love this.

I watch her as she saunters off down the hall, her long olive legs toned beautifully, every muscle moving in sync, her ass, barely covered by the shorts she is wearing, moving perfectly with every step. She looks back at me one more time, almost catching me oogling her, before ducking into the bedroom. I stare at the door a few more seconds before just allowing my body to fall back onto the couch and be engulfed by the cushions. I stretch my arms and legs, and close my eyes.

Fuck, Casey.

What the hell have you gotten yourself into?

* * *

Walking into the bedroom, my eyes dart around the room for the pants I wore today, which still had my cellphone concealed in their pocket. Flustered when I don't see them anywhere, I barge straight through the hallway without looking in the living room for fear of catching Casey's eye, to the bathroom where my pants are hiding in the dirty clothes hamper. Stepping over Casey's wet pile of clothes (a subconsciously glancing at the lacy pink panties and bra sitting on top), I fish them out of the hamper, then pull the phone out of the pocket and check the caller ID - **Stabler**.

"This had better be fucking good, Stabler," I mumble angrily as I exit the bathroom then attempt to sneakily and quietly re-enter my bedroom. I press talk and place the phone to my ear.

_Ring Ring Ring_

"Hello?" - Elliot, you fucking asshole. Why are you even awake right now, anyways?

"Hey Stabler, it's Liv. What did you need? I didn't see a 911 from Cragen", I lied, not even knowing where my beeper was.

I hear him heartily chuckle, only adding to my frustration.

"Sorry, Olivia. Just a misdial."

I groan, loudly apparently, which entices another chuckle out of him.

"Well you sure did call me back quickly, is everything alright? I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"- he sounds so smug I could just throw up.

"**No**," I say flatly, "I'm going back to bed. I uh... just wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"Yeah, Liv, everything's fine. Go hit the sack, I'll see you back at the house in the AM."

I sign, relieved he didn't want to stay on the phone and 'chat', like usual.

"Night, El."

As I hear the phone click, an awful sense of dread washes over me - Casey has been sitting on my couch, probably bawling her eyes out, while I made a fucking social call. Granted, it was only 2 minutes, just as I had promised, but still...

I am an ass.

Hanging up the phone, I casually toss it on my dresser, then slowly walk to the bedroom door. As I walk out, I look down at my feet, and continue to do so the entire length of the hallway, until I reach the back of the couch. I was afraid of catching though gorgeous green eyes crying, that beautiful face sad, those full lips pouting... Gulping, I force a smile as I look up.

"Alright, Casey, let's..."

The first thing I see as I look up is Casey Novak sleeping, her strawberry blonde hair sunning the pillow, sprawled out on the couch, her cheeks still red from crying.

I smile.

"Oh Case..."

I take a moment to admire her absolute beauty; her face is so angelic and soft, her lips barely parted, her chest is gently rising and falling with every breath. Continuing my visual decent on her body, I notice the shirt has slid up even more - her firm stomach now completely revealed, the distinctive lines of her miraculous hip bones leading straight to...

**Fuck**, Benson. Snap out of it.

Doing just that, I swing around the couch to pick the strawberry ADA up off the couch, which proves to be a fairly simple task. Careful not to wake her, I carry her from the couch to my bedroom, taking every single step with excruciating care. As I cross the threshold to my room, I pause, allowing my eyes to adjust to the lack of light for a moment. Once I could see well enough to venture to my bed, I take several slow meticulous steps before ending directly in front of it. Slowly, I bend over to place Casey on my side of the bed. As I begin to stand myself up straight, she rolls from her side to her back- even though her eyes are closed, I still feel like she's looking right through me.

I lean a little closer to her, her breath gently swaying my hair, to brush a stray lock of strawberry behind her ear. As soon as I make the much desired contact with her skin, Casey smiles in her sleep and sighs contently- I could not be happier.

My face only inches from her's... I contemplate stealing a kiss, quick and painless... I think about it a long time, but ultimately decide it's not the best idea, and again stand up straight.

"_Fuck_," I whisper as I run my fingers through my hair.

Quietly exiting the room and closing the door behind me, I yawn. As I glance at the clock, 4:56 AM, I decide to try and get an hour or two of sleep before having to go to the precinct for work. Plopping down on the couch, I spin myself around and sprawl out. As I roll over on my stomach, I can smell Casey all over the cushions. At least I'll get a _good_ two hours of sleep tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing I notice when I open my eyes is that my head is **killing** me. The second thing I notice is that I am in an unfamiliar bedroom, on an unfamiliar bed, in unfamiliar clothes, with a _very _familiar smell...

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

**Olivia**.

I am in Olivia's bedroom? Looking down at my clothes, I notice that they're not mine... Ok, so... I'm in Olivia's apartment, laying in her bed, wearing what I assume are her clothes, I smell like her... but where is Olivia? And what the fuck happened last night? Maybe I drank a little bit more than I remember.

I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I stretch, yawn and scratch my head before getting up; as I stand, I feel woozy - I guess that Jack Daniel's affected me more than I thought. Carefully, I walk out of the room... the entire apartment is still and quiet. I slowly walk from the threshold of Olivia's bedroom to the living room- it is clear that Olivia has gone to work; the news is still on, there is an almost empty coffee mug sitting on the end table, and a half-eaten donut besides it.

"Oh, Olivia...", I say softly to myself, inferring that she must have been in a hurry this morning, which is of course my fault... I feel awful for waking her, then... well I don't really remember what happened next. But I still feel awful.

I go around the couch to take a seat and watch the remainder of the 9 o'clock news. As I plop down, I feel a lump under me... I stand up and turn to check - the lump was a pillow, and with the pillow, a big blanket was scrunched up at the other end of the couch. Olivia slept on the couch? While I slept in _her_ bed?

"What happened last night?" I mumble to myself.

As the news draws to an end, I force myself to stand up and make my way to the kitchen, where I catch a piece of paper flitting around on the end of the counter, weighted down by an empty coffee cup. I reach out and grab the note:

"_Casey,_

_I had to hit the precinct early, no time for breakfast, would you mind picking me some up? Diner down the street has great donuts and bagels. : ) I'll owe you one._

_- Liv_

_PS: You fell asleep last night, we should talk soon though. Tonight?"_

Chuckling at Olivia's note, I crumble the paper and toss it to the trashcan, then begin to walk back to the bedroom. She is a piece of work, asking me to buy her breakfast like that... but I suppose it's the least I could do after kicking her out of her own bed last night.

I cross the threshold to the bedroom and realize I don't have any clean clothes to wear to work today. After contemplating it for a second, I decide to borrow some of Olivia's- I don't have any court appearences today so it shouldn't be a problem. Opening up her closet, I pull out a pair of tight-fitting black slacks, a green shirt and a black suit jacket. Thank god Liv and I are about the same size. I slowly pull Olivia's shirt off me, pausing to remember her scent as I get it up over my head. After pulling the baggy sweats off, I walk to the bathroom in just my undies and bra to toss the clothes in the dirty clothes hamper, then walk back to the bedroom. I feel strange when I put Olivia's clothes on, now she is not only all over my head, she is all over my skin.

On my way out I dutifully turn off the lights and TV, lock the apartment door and stop at the diner before hailing a taxi to make my way to the precinct. The taxi ride is quiet and calming, a nice change from last night. But as soon as I see the precinct 16 in view my heart begins to beat fast, my palms begin sweating and I can't stop my head from running through it's thoughts - Do I look nice enough? Will she mind that I'm wearing her clothes? Will you like the donuts I bought? Will you remember that we have to talk tonight? Because I really hope you don't. I still don't know if I'm ready to tell anyone this secret... I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice the taxi had stopped, or that the cabby had been asking me for his fare. Dazed, I pay him and exit the cab.

With every step I take up the stairs to the main doors, my heart beats faster.

* * *

Roughly, I push you up against a bookcase in your office, a few loose books falling and thudding on the ground, and kiss you with as much passion as I can... I feel your knees buckle, and barely catch the soft moan that has escaped your lips... Holy shit. We slowly make our way to the desk, and I push you back onto it, so that your sitting with your legs spread and me standing right between them. Moving my right hand from your hip to the the inside of your thigh, I slowly-

**BANG!**

"Wake up, Benson!"

Fuck. Elliot. Again, ruining everything. I slowly lift my head up, then shake the hair out of my eyes. I shoot Elliot a look.

"I was having a good dream, Stabler."

"Yeah, I bet you were, but you were drooling all over the damn place. And you have about 3 weeks worth of files on your desk. So wake up. We're got a bunch of paperwork to do still."

I groan and sit the rest of the way up. As I begin to stretch, I hear the familiar clicking of the heels of Casey Novak, coming down the main hall to our desks. My face brightens and Elliot catches my smile before I realize I'm even doing it.

"What are you so happy about, Liv?"

I smile even bigger as I see Casey cautiously stick her head in the doorway. She looks nervous. Still.

"My breakfast is here, that's what," I raise my hand up, "Casey!"

She smiles shyly at me. As she walks up, I see that she is wearing _my_ clothes... wow. The pants cover each curve perfectly, the jacket bringing attention to all the right places, her chest softly bouncing with every step, her skin looks smooth and silky, her strawberry hair lazily draped over her shoulders. She looks really good... but then again, she's Casey Novak. When _doesn't _she look good? If anything could make her look better, it's the baggy from the diner down the street from my apartment in one hand, and the cup of coffee in the other. This girl is good. She slowly saunters up to my desk and sets the bag down.

"I see you got my note", I say quietly as she sets it down, not wanting El to hear - I know what he'll think is going on and I don't want to embarrass her like that. Or me. She again smiles shyly at me.

"I hope you like glazed, it's all they had."

I nod, and smile brightly back at her.

"My favorite, Casey, thanks for picking this up for me."

"It's the least I could do, Olivia."

I cringe on the inside - I saw Elliot's ears perk up as she said that. Trying to ignore him, I chuckle to myself. I open the bag- the donut smells heavenly. And the coffee looks perfect.

Pointing to it, I look back up to Casey.

"Is this-"

She cuts me off, "One cream, no sugar. You drink enough coffee for me to know how you take yours." Hah, yeah I guess she's right.

As I raise the drink to my lips, I feel her eyes on me. I gulp the sip of hot coffee down, hard, and it burns my throat the whole way down. I cough a bit, and you look at me with laughing eyes.

"You ok?"

I lie through my teeth, "Yeah yeah, just drank it too quick..."

I look down at my desk, then back up at her.

"Any cases today?"

"No, thank god," you sigh, "I just have to go check in at the office then I think I might go back to your pl- well, I guess I could actually go home." You sound nervous, probably embarrassed you said that out loud, so I put my hand on your arm gently.

"Just go back to my place, Case, you're got the key. Go watch TV, but you'd better have dinner ready for me when I get back." I wink at her, she smiles, I melt.

"I have a better idea..."

I raise an eyebrow at her, and she again smiles.

"Just call me when your almost back to your place, alright?"

I nod, then rise to hug her.

"Bye, Case."

She pulls me in tight, her skin on mine, her breath in my ear... I am having so much trouble controlling myself... As she crosses the threshold to the hallway, I watch her every step, how her skin moves, how her hair bounces, how her left shoe is just a little too big and keeps sliding up. I feel a thump on my face, and look down- there's a paper ball on my desk. I look up, to see Elliot with a shit-eating grin on his face. God, today is going to be excruciating.


	4. Chapter 4

Today has been extra long. After Casey left the precinct, Elliot ragged me mercilessly about Casey and my what he called "obvious crush" until we were finally allowed to leave, which I did as quickly as possible. And I did the same driving to my apartment, going as fast as I was legally allowed (plus a few).

As I park my car, my stomach is literally roaring for food. Casey had better kept her word about dinner, I've been looking forward to it all day. I pull my apartment key out of my pocket and ready it as I walk to the elevator - the whole ride up, and the entire length of the hallway leading to my door, I'm beaming; I think tonight is the night I will tell her how I feel. Hopefully, that is, if dinner goes well, if her talking goes well...

Inserting the key into the door, I turn it as quickly as I can then try to retain my excitement. Come on, Olivia, you're a grown woman. I casually open the door and take a peek inside - no sign of Casey, but the whole place smells absolutely heavenly. As I slip in, I take my coat off and place it on the kitchen counter just inside the door.

"Honey, I'm home!" I belt out happily, then chuckle. When there's no response, I take another step into the apartment, then into the dining room, where the sight makes my jaw drop - my entire apartment is lit my candles, and the small table I usually use for mail collection is cleared off and set up beautifully.

"Wow", I manage to breathe out, "Casey? Where are you? This is... wow. This is amazing. And whatever you made smells great!"

When there is again no response, I get a little worried.

"Casey? Where are you?"

I begin to stealthily creep through my apartment, not putting it past her to jump out of the shadows and scare the living shit out of me. As I pass the bathroom, I hear the very faint sound water running and am instantly relieved. I knock softly on the door. No response.

"Casey, it's me. Is everything ok?"

No response. I reach for the handle, happy to find that the door isn't locked. I open it slowly and find Casey Novak, her strawberry blonde hair up in a loose ponytail, with many stray strands hanging over her tear-streaked face. She's bent over the bathtub, using the pressure of the shower head to power through some black chunky material caking the bottom of one of the pans I never use. I am filled with empathy and guilt - it looks like she's been crying for a while, and her fingertips are irritated and bleeding from what appears to be a great deal of scrubbing. I slowly enter the bathroom and carefully place my hands on her shoulders; she jumps slightly but must know it's me. She sighs, then moves a raw, bleeding finger to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Olivia... I... I wanted to give you a wonderful dinner... but... but", she gulps then sighs again, "I got... distracted. And it burned... it fucking burned to a crisp."

She starts crying again and I can't help but softly smile to myself. Which I know sounds awful, but it just makes me so happy to know someone did something this nice all for me.

"Casey, honey..."

She's sobbing now, full-fledged body shaking sobs. I crouch down, then turn her to face me. Again placing my hands on her shoulders, I speak soft, but firmly. She is so fucking beautiful.

"Listen to me. No one has ever even tried to do something this wonderful for me. You're a true friend. It is so beautiful out there, Casey, so we shouldn't waste our time in here. I'll order some take out while you pour the wine", I pull her into a tight hug, "Deal?" I whisper in her ear.

She smiles against my shoulder then wraps her arms around me.

"Deal."

* * *

Olivia exits the bathroom first, and I dutifully stand and begin to follow. On my way out the door I make the mistake of glancing in the mirror above the sink. _You look like shit, Novak_.

"Uh, I'll be out in a minute, Liv. I **really** need to freshen up."

I can hear Olivia chuckle and mumble something, so I take that as an 'ok' and lightly close the bathroom door. Returning my gaze to the mirror, I can barely hold back the shudder I feel from how much of a mess I look, especially to Olivia - my hair is strewn all over my face, the ponytail barely holding any back, my make up has run down my cheeks as a result of the crying, which also made my eyes all red and puffy... fuck. I look like a fucking adolescent.

Quickly washing my face and redoing my ponytail, I take a deep, reassuring breath and exit the bathroom. Olivia is standing by the window, casually overlooking the city with she swirls a glass of wine. My jaw drops. She is so fucking sexy, her low-cut jeans and tight blouse leaving little to the imagination... well, my imagination at least... and that look on her face... Holy fuck.

She must have heard my jaw hit the ground; she looks over at me and beams. All I can force myself to say is "Take out?"

"Already ordered. Italian ok?"

"Perfect", I just-above-whisper, "just perfect."

She again beams at me, her chocolate brown eyes sparkling. I quickly walk over to where she placed the wine, pour myself a glass then sit. As Olivia saunters over, I drink my wine a little bit faster than intended, invoking a small laugh out of her as I cough.

"Slow down, Case, we've got all night."

I smile sheepishly. Fuck yes we do, but the question is, how are we going to spend it?

We spent the next 20 minutes talking, laughing... wanting. Well maybe that last one was just me. When the door bell rang, Olivia was in the middle of telling me about their latest case. She stopped mid-sentence at the sound of the bell.

"Food's here!"

She excitedly gets up and talks in the direction of her wallet, which is sitting on the kitchen counter with her coat and keys.

"No way, Benson", I say firmly from across the apartment, "I'm supposed to be the one treating you tonight, remember? I already burnt dinner, at least let me buy the replacement."

She doesn't respond, or even smile, but allows me to breeze past her and open the door. The young man standing on the other side seemed startled as I did so.

"He-hello, ma'am."

His voice is high and crackly - he can't be older than 16. I smile at him, briefly remembering myself at that age.

"Well hi there... uh...", I quickly glance at his name tag, "Ian. What's the total going to be tonight?"

He smiles, obviously put at ease - I may be one bad ass attorney but I have a sensitive side to me, I promise, it just doesn't get out much.

"$20.20, ma'am. And uh, Vinny said to tell Miss Benson 'hi'", Ian leans in a little closer to me, "and her threw in some free breadsticks for the lovely lady."

I can't help but laugh.

"Oh, well, I'll be sure to let her know."

Again smiling, I hand him the money and take the bags from his hands. When I see him struggling to get the change, I feel a little bad.

"Just keep the change, Ian. Goodnight."

He smiles hugely, revealing his shiny braces.

"Thank you, ma'am."

Nodding, I step backwards into the apartment, close the door then place the bags on the kitchen counter. I glance towards Olivia, my eyes and smile filled with laughter.

"Vinny, huh?"

Olivia turns bright red.

"What? We dated, in **high school**... and a little bit in college... and... uh, some of last year."

Olivia looks down, and I ignore my pang of jealousy and laugh.

"That's cute, Liv, really."

"Can we sit down and eat? Please?"

I smile, mostly at the pleading look on Olivia's face, and turn to again grab the bags and take them to the table - Olivia follows, and I feel her eyes on me all the way to the table. Suddenly I'm smirking and filled with false confidence.

When I set them down, the smell suddenly hits me.

"Jesus, Liv, this smells amazing, way better than what I tried to make. What did you order us?"

She smiles and shrugs.

"I asked for the house special, so it's a surprise."

As I open the lid to one of the boxes I removed from the bag, I can't help but smile - there's a big parsley smiley face on my spaghetti.

"House special, huh?"

She again looks at me, her eyes comforting and calming, and shrugs her powerful shoulders.

Seconds turns to minutes which all too quickly turns to an hour. I am beyond stuffed and a little past tipsy when Olivia begins to clear the table.

"'Livia! Let me clean off 'da table!"

Listening to myself talk, I'm a little surprised at how slurry I sound; I don't remember drinking that much (again...) but then again I couldn't focus on anything but the way her chest heaves when she talks, the way her muscles move in such perfection, the way her eyes light up when she laughs...

You must have noticed how drunk I am too because you laugh at my failing attempt to stand and help you.

"I don't think so, Miss Novak. You can't even talk, let alone stand and be trusted with my good china."

"Fine", I huff and cross my arms then quickly realize how childish that must have sounded. Come on, Casey, you're an Assistant District Attorney, not a 5 year old being refused candy. Although I bet she tastes just as sweet...

Damnit, Casey. Over fucking ruled.

I jar from my thoughts when Olivia roughly sits back down across from me, slightly shaking the table..

"So...", she says softly.

I suddenly remember what I'm supposed to be accomplishing tonight, besides dinner, which I failed at horribly. And now I have to drunkenly muster up the courage to tell her... to tell her that...

**Damnit**. Damnit, damnit, damnit.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it's so short. D:

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Grabbing the bottle out of the ice and quickly rising from the table, the strawberry blonde begins to look frantic. I watch her as she starts to pace the small area in front of the table.

"Casey...", I say pleadingly, "sit down. Talk to me."

You start to cry, the complete opposite of what I want to happen. I just want to see you happy. Slowly and cautiously, I get up and walk the around the table, watching your movements. It's obvious a breakdown is about to happen, and I don't want to startle you or make it come any faster or harder than it is already going to. Shit. Still being cautious, I extend my arm and touch your shoulder. You jump. You calm down. And then you just collapse. Your body taken over by the sobs, you're shaking and before I know it I'm down on the floor trying to comfort you. Pulling you close, I start to passively rub your back and whisper in your ear.

"Casey... sweetie... it's okay. It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm here if you need to talk. I'm here," I squeeze a little tighter as she starts to come down, "It's okay."

"Olivia... I can't... I can't believe that I let this happen."

"Let what happen?" I say softly. I need her to tell me what's wrong, for her sake. How am I supposed to help this beautiful woman when I don't even know what I'm helping her with? Or how to help that in the first place?

"I was..." she begins, still sobbing, and I see something in her I have seen a hundred, a thousand times before. Something I know. Something I'm familiar with. And my jaw hits the ground before she even finishes her sentence.

"I was raped."


	6. Chapter 6

I knowww, another short one. The next few are longer ones, though, I promise! 7 will be uploaded by tonight! I'm on a roll.

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"Casey. You... when? How? What happened?"

I can't breathe. I can barely even see straight I'm still crying so hard. I look up at Olivia, her gorgeous brown eyes so worried and hurting, thoughts racing... slowly I push off of her and sit myself up straight. I look away. I can't imagine what she's thinking, I can't imagine how she thinks of me know, how she feels about me keeping this of all things from her of all people...

"3 months ago," I barely choke out, "in my apartment..."

Olivia removes her blouse, revealing a simple tank top underneath, and even in this state I can not help but notice her strong shoulders and beautifully tanned skin, and the lines of a her collar bones sitting just about the perfect definition of her chest... you scoot closer, and put your hand on my knee comfortingly. Just having you next to me, I feel a little better about telling you... You somehow make me feel so secure.

"Casey. Tell me everything. Please. I want to help you."

She smiles supportingly in my direction and shifts so she is sitting with her legs crossed right in front of me, both hands on my knees. I look away as I begin to talk, afraid to look her right in the eyes...

"After Charlie died his family blamed me for not getting him help. They said... they said it was my responsibility to help him, I was his girlfriend; his fiance. No one took it harder than his brother, though. They were so close, Charlie and Chad, and he never liked me from the get-go, said I wasn't good enough."

I pause, thinking back on how his family treated me after his death. Angry phone calls, letters, his mother calling me crying for years on the anniversary of his death. Catching Olivia's gaze, I continue my story.

"3 months ago I was in the bar by down the precinct..."


	7. Chapter 7

'_I can't believe that low life stood me up_', I think to myself, staring idly on my martini. Once again I got stood up by some creep from the DA's office. Honestly, I don't even know why I tried with these guys anymore. Either they think I'm stupid because I'm a girl (not that I'm a fucking attorney or anything) or they're intimidated (in my opinion, anyways) by the fact that I'm **not** an idiot. God damn. Just as I am about to finish off my drink and head home for a nice evening of paper work and sexual frustration, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning to face the tap-giver, expecting to see that asshole lawyer from the DA's trying to buy me over, and instead seeing a terrifyingly familiar face. A face so similar to the one I grew so accustomed to, that is long gone now... Fuck.

"Casey? Casey Novak?"

I smile, "Chad, is that you?"

He smiles, pearly whites fill his face, and he pulls me in for a surprise hug.

"It's so good to see you! How have you been?"

"I've been great," I lie, "just working with the DA's office here. Blowing some steam after work before I head home for the night. How are you? What brings you here?"

"I have been absolutely wonderful, even better now that I see you!"

He smiles in that patented family way, his luscious curly hair perfectly frames his head, his toned body clearly visible through his t-shirt and jeans... I hate to say it but I'm starting to wonder... a night alone with my paper work and my sexual frustration or a night with Chad, paper work pushed aside to tomorrow and my sexual frustration... well we all know what's going to happen to that if I bring this guy home.

"What a coincidence," I say slyly, " Sit sit sit! Let me buy you a drink."

"Oh you wish, Novak. Drinks on me."

So for hours we sat at this bar, drinking martini's and gin and tonics and beer and Ketel One on the rocks (oh and he had a beer or two, too, I think) and talking about work and life, about how he's sorry for all the shit I was given after his brother's death and how he knows none of it was my fault. It felt nice. For the first time in all those years since Charlie and I split up I finally felt like everything wasn't my fault. It was _really_ nice.

A little too drunk to think about it, I put my hand on his thigh and look at him with my best _I'm-Defeneless-And-Horny-But-Innocent-And-I'd-Really-Like-You-To-Come-Home-With-Me_ look.

"Chad... it's getting late. I've got a lot of paper work to do... but um. It can wait. Until tomorrow. If you-"

He chuckles, and cuts me off, "Casey, can I give you a ride home?"

"That would be nice, thank you."

So we both get up from our seats at the bar and slowly make our way to wear his shiny rental Corvette is sitting; he opens the door for me like a true gentleman and all the way back to my house my hormones take over... My hand in his lap, rubbing his inner-thighs, it's no wonder he didn't crash and kill us both (or at the very least pull over and take care of the obvious problem I am having).

I unlock the door to my apartment, which is proving difficult with Chad roughly grabbing my hips and his lips in my ear, whispering all things he's about to do to me. Shit. Unlocking the door I walk in, he dutifully follows, and I turn to shut on lock the door. Just as I am preparing to turn around and give him exactly what he has coming for him, I hear a noise no one ever expects to or wants to hear; a gun cocking.

I spin and see Chad, the twin of my ex-fiance, the spitting image of him in so many ways, laughing and holding a gun to my face.

"You're a stupid bitch, you know that?"

I can't even speak.

"It took me 6 years to track you down. Thank god you got famous with your stupid law bullshit. It made you a whole hell of a lot easier to fucking find. Now," he pauses, and uses his free hand to rub his chin as he starts grinning evilly, "take your fucking clothes off. And get on the floor. The second you make a noise is the second I put a bullet in your skull, bitch."


	8. Attention!

Hello there to anyone that is still paying attention to this story! I am pretty much the shittiest for leaving things the way I did, but long story short I broke up with the girl I was dating, lived in my Jeep for a while, spent a lot of time on the beach, and finally, have moved back to my hometown for a fresh boot/restart. I just wanted to let you all know that THIS STORY CAN FINALLY CONTINUE. I am writing a little here and there and will have new chapters posted by the first of the year. I didn't forget about you all, I pinky promise! Thanks for hangin' in there.


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